Living 10000 miles away from my Mum, I call her every 2-3 days (awwww). Sometimes there’s not much news to report either way and the chat is about weather, Sheffield United’s mixed fortunes, the grand kids. It really doesn’t matter, because it’s just good to talk.
The last call did have some news and it’s one a distant son dreads: she had had a fall. For anyone her age, a fall is bad news. Hips break and hospitals are no place to be. This was a fall at home, for no exact reason other than she’s not steady on her feet. The fall involved a face plant, a bloody nose and not being able to get up.
But then she said this. “But it was actually a really useful experience because I got to use my emergency button for the first time in anger and it all worked brilliantly”. Now that’s a positive reframe if ever I heard one. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade.
Positive reframing is similar to the growth mindset concept: in adversity, see the benefit. Easy to say. Harder to do with your face and ego bruised. Of course, Mum hasn’t heard of growth mindset. This is just how she is.
Most people aren’t naturally good at reframing. It is something we have to learn and work on. Life generally and work life in particular throws so many frustrations at us. When you’re deep in work, with 15 plates spinning and something makes one drop, the first thing we’re thinking of is probably not “Ok, how can I reframe this and learn from it?” But the key to life is not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you. You’ll have heard that before, of course but knowing it, doesn’t mean you do it.
And then Mum tells me her story and it brings it all back. It’s a great lesson and I’m responding better